I hate it when I don't see someone for a long time, and they turn out to be your typical whore. Its like "what the fuck? you where totally awesome like a couple years ago", and then I'm like..well did something go wrong, should I be like that too? Do they look at me and go "ugh what a slob, why doesn't she take care of herself?" I don't know. I feel like I should act like I'm better than everyone else. But I'm not..of course not. Its not like I'm uncomfortable not showing my true self, but I have a limit on the extremeness of the mask that I display. I just feel like somehow along the line I went a different direction that I'm supposed to. I mean, I'm 18 years old and I've never even had my first kiss (let alone an actual relationship). Its not like I couldn't get a boy(girl?)friend if I really wanted to, but that's the thing. I don't want to. I feel like I should be living up to some social standard that everyone seems to live by, but that's not what I really want. But what do I want? To be normal? That would be nice. Too bad I don't know where to start.
P.S. If somehow you're reading this right now, I only use this blog to bitch and moan. I don't really expect people to read this and be interested. Trust me, I'm not this whiny in person.
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